As I often say, I'm sweet in
the living room, but a little tart in the bedroom. Then again, as Rock
Hudson says in Pillow Talk, "There are plenty of warm rolls in the
bakery, stop pressing your nose against the window." Meeting up with a
guy based on a sentence or two typed by
thumb is just a blind date. Does anyone like those? I don't. So a blind
hookup? No thanks. I've never used a glory hole and don't intend to
For that matter, hooking up has never really been my thing. It's a bit
too "help me lift this couch into my windowless van on a rainy night"
if you catch my drift... If I get that strong an urge to merge, I'll
hit Midtowne for Big Men night. Or, if
I'm on vacation, the whole town
is like a bath house.
Of course, if you can host within two miles of me, and like the taste
of bear, try me. I mean, I'm a guy after all. Just remember, if all you
want from me is booty call, all you'll be to me is booty call. If all
you offer is fast food sex, you'd better be Burger King, because if I
don't have it my way, I don't have it at all. And I don't go to Malibu
for Burger King when there's one just down the street. But don't let
that lead you to believe I don't like a burger. My friends know, I've
got extra pickle, and special orders don't upset me. But I'm a "When
Harry Met Sally" kind of guy. Or in this case, "When Hairy Met Pally."
I can do platonic standing on my head, but I'm a firm believer that
friends can have unlimited benefits. But benefits aren't generally
without friendship. Nor is dating. I wouldn't date someone I couldn't
be friends with. No step-skippers.
I was told just recently that I'm
a contradiction. That's a rather
binary misapprehension. I'm multi-faceted. I'm shy, but not bashful. An
introverted exhibitionist. Sheldon Cooper, with an Energizer Bunny in
his shorts... If you were to see me out in the world and
reach for my zipper, I'd give you a wink and the go-ahead. (Think of my
light blue wristband as my Hanky
Code.) If you were
smile at me, I would get all excited, but turn away like a schoolgirl.
It may not make much sense to most of the world, but the right guy will
now, I provide live-in care for my elderly
mother, who's in a
wheelchair and requires assistance throughout the day. So, this is not
a great time to hubby hunt.
Especially since I'm not sure if I'm really the hubby type... Taking
Mom has brought out my inner Daddy Bear, but that doesn't mean I'm
after a cub. And I don't want to be either
or Felix. If I'm going to couple up, I want to be the Even Couple. At
6'9" I sort of couldn't help being a Big Spoon --
though a Spoon that usually prefers just to be licked -- but I often
have a better connection with other Big Spoons,
because then, we're just Equal Spoons, even if we do tend to get put
in the drawer with me on top... Whatever we are in the bedroom, we're
equal everywhere else. You feed me chicken soup when
I'm sick, and when you're sick, I'll feed you my chowder.
BTW, I'm a dinosaur -- I hate the phone, seldom IM,
and absolutely refuse to type with my thumbs anymore. Feels like
counterfeit communication... Wherever you are, if you're a pithy
emailer, bring it on and use that little envelope down there. I'm a
mover, and my calendar's
pretty full, so we might be
talking for a long while before we can meet. If that's an issue for
you, I understand.
So, if you've made it this far, click
here, or just click on my Bears zipper pull... Go on, put
your finger on it. It's fun.