As I often say, I'm sweet in the living room, but a little tart in the bedroom. Then again, as Rock Hudson says in Pillow Talk, "There are plenty of warm rolls in the bakery -- stop pressing your nose against the window."

In case I haven't mentioned it in the last five minutes, I'm an introvert. People who are not introverts often misunderstand something... As I like to say, I'm shy, but not bashful. Think of it this way... I could be very happy working as a go-go bear -- if I didn't actually have to talk to anyone in the bar.

Now, as that zipper pull to the right indicates, I love the Bears. And if you know anything about me, you know it has nothing to do with sporty games... In this day and age, ask a million people what "Bear" means and you'll get a million different definitions. Here then is mine: a "Bear" is a man who is more interested in his own comfort and happiness than he is in what's trendy and popular. It is true that the first man I ever called a "Bear" looked like a poster child for Forest Rangers. But it was his nature... To me, it has nothing to do with the shape of your body, how hairy or smooth it is, or what kind of facial hair look you choose. Many of the things popularly associated with "Bear" are just drag. "Bear," as a quality I look for, is much more about taking OFF the costumes and paraphernalia. But by the same token -- no one has the right to define "Bear" for the world. If you choose to identify as a Bear, I will welcome you with a big Bear hug, and the discussion is closed.

Similarly, I am 100% comfortable calling myself "a Daddy," but I'm strongly disinterested in anyone who wants me to be THEIR "Daddy." Right now, I provide live-in care for my elderly mother, who's in a wheelchair and requires assistance throughout the day. So, this is not a great time to hubby hunt. I'm not even sure I want one... It's weird enough when heteros ask LGBTQ+ couples "Which chop stick is the fork?" It's even weirder to me when gay men normalize it... I don't want to be either Oscar or Felix. If I'm going to couple up, I want to be the Even Couple. At 6'9" I sort of couldn't help being a Big Spoon -- though a Spoon that usually prefers just to be licked -- but I often have a better connection with other Big Spoons, because then, we're just Equal Spoons, even if we do tend to get put away in the drawer with me on top... Whatever we are in the bedroom, we're equal everywhere else. You feed me chicken soup when I'm sick, and when you're sick, I'll feed you my chowder.

A good approach is... Don't think of me as a fetish. Yes, I'm big and tall, have size 15 feet and, I'm told, one or two other drool-worthy statistics, but unless you're an actual porn producer, I'm not interested in acting out your fantasies with no regard for my own needs. I'm a grown-up, and I want a fellow grown-up who thinks of my needs the way I think of his. One who doesn't flake if I make plans with him, and one who asks me to hang out about as often as I ask him. 50/50. Even Stevens. If that's you, it doesn't matter if you're 18 or 80, this color or that size, this faith or that economic status... Let's communicate, move from acquaintances into friendship, and if it feels like there's more there, we can explore that then.

BTW, I'm a dinosaur -- I hate the phone, seldom IM, and absolutely refuse to type with my thumbs for any extended period of time. Feels like counterfeit communication... Wherever you are in the world, if you're a pithy emailer, bring it on and use that little envelope down there... I'm a slow mover, and my calendar's pretty full, so we might be talking for a long while before we can meet. If that's an issue for you, I understand.

Oh... Did you think I meant a different kind of "coupling?" Well, if you've made it this far, click here, or just click on my Bears zipper pull... Go on, put your finger on it. It's fun.