As I often say, I'm sweet in
the living room, but a little tart in the bedroom. Then again, as Rock
Hudson says in Pillow Talk, "There are plenty of warm rolls in the
bakery -- stop pressing your nose against the window."
In case I haven't mentioned it in the last five minutes, I'm an
introvert. People who are not introverts often misunderstand
something... As I like to say, I'm shy, but not bashful. Think of it
this way... I could be very happy working as a go-go bear -- if I
didn't actually have to talk to anyone in the bar.
Now, as that zipper pull to the right indicates, I love the Bears. And
if you know anything about me, you know it has nothing to do with
sporty games... In this day and age, ask a million people what "Bear"
means and you'll get a million different definitions. Here then is
mine: a "Bear" is a man who is more interested in his own comfort and
happiness than he is in what's trendy and popular. It is true that the
first man I ever called a "Bear" looked like a poster child for Forest
Rangers. But it was his nature... To me, it has nothing to do with the
shape of your body, how hairy or smooth it is, or what kind of facial
hair look you choose. Many of the things popularly associated with
"Bear" are just drag. "Bear," as a quality I look for, is much more
about taking OFF the costumes and paraphernalia. But by the same token
-- no one has the right to define "Bear" for the world. If you choose
to identify as a Bear, I will welcome you with a big Bear hug, and the
discussion is closed.
I am 100% comfortable calling myself "a Daddy," but I'm strongly
disinterested in anyone who wants me to be THEIR "Daddy." Right
now, I provide live-in care for my elderly
mother, who's in a
wheelchair and requires assistance throughout the day. So, this is not
a great time to hubby hunt. I'm not even sure I want one... It's weird
enough when heteros ask LGBTQ+ couples "Which chop stick is the fork?"
It's even weirder to me when gay men normalize it... I don't
want to be either
or Felix. If I'm going to couple up, I want to be the Even Couple. At
6'9" I sort of couldn't help being a Big Spoon --
though a Spoon that usually prefers just to be licked -- but I often
have a better connection with other Big Spoons,
because then, we're just Equal Spoons, even if we do tend to get put
in the drawer with me on top... Whatever we are in the bedroom, we're
equal everywhere else. You feed me chicken soup when
I'm sick, and when you're sick, I'll feed you my chowder.
A good approach is... Don't think of me as a
fetish. Yes, I'm big and tall, have size 15 feet and, I'm told, one or
drool-worthy statistics, but unless you're an actual porn producer, I'm
not interested in acting out your fantasies with no regard for my own
needs. I'm a grown-up, and I want a fellow grown-up who thinks of my
needs the way I think of
his. One who doesn't flake if I make plans with him, and one who asks
me to hang out about as often as I ask him. 50/50. Even Stevens. If
that's you, it doesn't matter if you're 18 or 80, this color or that
size, this faith or that economic status... Let's communicate, move
from acquaintances into friendship, and if it feels like there's more
there, we can explore that then.
BTW, I'm a dinosaur -- I hate the phone, seldom IM,
and absolutely refuse to type with my thumbs for any extended period of
time. Feels like
counterfeit communication... Wherever you are in the world, if you're a
emailer, bring it on and use that little envelope down there... I'm a
mover, and my calendar's
pretty full, so we might be
talking for a long while before we can meet. If that's an issue for
you, I understand.
Oh... Did you think I meant a different kind of "coupling?" Well, if
you've made it this far, click
here, or just click on my Bears zipper pull... Go on, put
your finger on it. It's fun.