So, you're really reading!!! I like you already.
Welcome to The Vault. Here, I've drawn a treasure map, but it's amazing how many men will never follow it, then wonder why they've never come upon my chest.

By now, you've maybe caught on to why TallMisterHall hates apps. Giant hands, tiny keys... I just have too much to say for that... But I'll try to edit a bit... For the most part, if I'm on an app, I'm using my TallMisterHall account to see if I can strike up a conversation and a new friendship. As previously discussed, my friendship does come with the option of benefits, but if you're just cruising for a hook-up, my TallMisterHall profile clearly states that you're barking up the wrong tree.

However... Before the COVID, you might have seen a familiar face (or, on better sites, a different part of my anatomy) under the screen name USwallowMine. Now, that's pretty self-explanatory, right? (If you know your Hanky Code, mine is Light Blue, Left.) Yet, it turns out, a LOT of guys don't read profiles! And then they think YOU are rude if you don't reply to their questions that are already answered in the profiles they didn't read!

So, let's make it nice and easy. In a perfect world, I would never NOT be in the mood to get my dick sucked. Come to think of it, in a truly perfect world, you'd let me film you doing it. But alas, it's not a perfect world. So, let's deal with that pragmatically.

As I've mentioned before, I'm shy, but not bashful. When the world safely reopens, you will likely find me at Midtowne Spa on Bears & Bellies day, in the video lounge, towel off, cock up. I'm both an introvert AND an exhibitionist, so I prefer playing in the common areas. What I do not prefer is someone who has to play 20 Questions instead of getting down to business. Which isn't to say I haven't struck up some great friendships at the baths, but... realistically, conversation isn't what you should be using your mouth for in the video lounge.

Similarly, if I'm planning a vacation, I will be using the apps to turn that town into a bath house. I'm usually traveling to places where I want to do research for my writing, and/or do some hiking and photography, which takes up most of the day. But when the sun goes down, so should you... In the absence of Craigslist Personals, I will often use the apps to scout the local talent ahead of my visit. My preference is for you to come to my motel. I'm also very into sex in public if it's RELATIVELY safe. I'm probably even down to come to your place if it's not a commute... But the point of getting on an app is to get off as quickly as possible... Vacation sex should be easy and fun. If it starts feeling sketchy, or like it's too much work just to get my nut, I'll go ahead and pass.

In fact, that's pretty much a hard and fast rule for me generally... As I like to say, being the sole caregiver for my elderly mom, I don't have the means, motive, and opportunity to hook up most of the time anyway, so when I do, it needs to be chill and fun... A few years ago, I joked that, if I ever got to post a sex tape of a guy giving me a hummer, I could retire from sex. And then, one of the hottest guys ever invited me over for just that. But of course, I didn't retire from sex -- in fact, shortly after him, I knocked off two HUGE items on my sexual bucket list -- but I've essentially retired from the HUNT... If I have a day off, and I'm cruising with the USwallowMine profile, invite me over! If you're in the neighborhood, I'm seldom feeling spontaneous, but if you want to play, let's make a playdate! And if you want to be filmed, we should DEFINITELY schedule a large block of playtime. But also... If all you want to be is a hook-up, then all you'll BE is a hook-up. If you just want to be fast food sex, then you'd better be Burger King and tell me to have it my way. And I don't drive to the Malibu BK when there's one just down the street... It's not because I'm "aloof," or think I'm such a big deal. No... As a caregiver, almost every moment of every day of every year, I'm taking care of someone else's needs, so my time off is my time to practice self-care. The last thing I want to do is spend it on fakes and flakes.

So, the vitals on me. I don't update this site often enough to keep my weight current, but whatever it says on the app is updated regularly.And I can't say it enough. Yes, I'm tall. 6'9" specifically. As you can see, I am not the otter I temporarily was a few years ago. In fact, that pic on the right is relatively thin compared to where I'm at now... If you've read this far, you've probably seen the recent pics, but if not, I'll point you to them in just a sec...  I've got size 15s that love attention. Come to think of it, I'm wired for any and all oral attention...

I do things when I'm in a closed relationship that I don't do when I'm casually dating, and I do even less with a random hookup. Though, again, throw in a camera... I grew up an Ugly Duckling, which is part of why I started posting nudes and dick pics -- if anything physical about me is going to be a deal-breaker, let's sort that out BEFORE we meet up! But then, something curious happened. Men seemed to not only tolerate but ENJOY some of my self-pics. So, while it's fun to make Virtual Reality POV porn to enjoy during my semi-retirement, it's also my aim in life to help other men see their attractiveness through someone else's eyes. And, let's be honest -- every man looks his best with a cock in his mouth. So, whether you want to be internet famous, to make a video only for our private collections, or even just to have some nice PG photos for your profiles, that can be a fun activity to do together. Just remember, I still have a very sensitive flake meter... The saying is, "Don't let your mouth write checks your ass can't cash," but as I say, ass is more of a second date thing, so adapt as needed.

Anyway... I promised a ton more pics, so if you like, join me over at USwallowMine.